Originally I thought of my blog as a place to share products, reviews, and some lifestyle updates. Lately, I feel as if it really should be a place to share milestones and also the real struggles of life. Motherhood has and will never be a walk in the park, some have all the support in the world while others are left to fend for themselves. It is true no one mother is the same but they share the same struggles. In the new age, we are presented with more information than sometimes needed and less known for the real problems.
So what is all this psychobabble all about really, well let me share with you my story, my real story. Since becoming a mother I’ve dealt with many health issues some physical some mental, do I like to admit it to myself or let others know? NO. You see when you become a mother you quickly learn that your child depends on you, not your mother or your father, not your neighbor or your doctor. You and only you can make everything better for this child. I honestly did not have time to care for myself to go to doctors or help groups. I didn’t have time to help my husband grief a loss and I didn’t have time to help myself properly heal.
I was running on baby fuel, mothers milk tea & carbs. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t properly shower or even had time to remind myself that I too had to use the potty. A few months into this autopilot life and the pain caught on the weakness caught on and the fear of “something isn’t right caught on”. This fear pushed me to seek the help of my doctor, we dabbled in sciatic pain, to nerve damage from there we went to left side weakness to anxiety. We passed the muscular-skeletal pain lane straight to “I believe you had a silent stroke”. My life paused for what seemed like an eternity, for once I didn’t care about skincare or makeup. I wasn’t excited to learn more about the latest app on social media, I wasn’t looking forward to date night and I did not want to say the words out loud.
FEAR, real daunting fear set into my heart. I thought to myself “wait? my face isn’t showing the signs of it, I can see fine and my speech isn’t blurred. How is this possible?” but as she continued to discuss the effects of a silent stroke another feeling crept up behind me. Anger, so much anger! how did this get past me? so many visits to the hospital and doctors. How does something like this go un-noticed? But shortly after anger hit I cried. I cried like I haven’t done so before in front of a complete stranger as the neurologist explained everything that had occurred and the likelihood of it happening again I just cried. I kept thinking “God I just had a baby, you can’t do this to me” I finally reached the point of my life that I had wished for all along.
From that point forward so much has changed, the way I see life and how I treat people. I cherish every single day like it’s my last with my nugget, I only pray and hope that this never happens again. I still suffer from weakness on my left arm and leg, I still have an incredible amount of pain through my back and lower extremities. Sometimes you have to go through events like this to live the life you are meant to live. Spending every day with Q has made me a better person. I’ve learned to navigate just fine enough so that no one could really notice the weakness unless you shake my hand or ask me to open something. ( I say this with as much humor as one can have).
I decided to share this because sometimes people need to see the positive side of things as well as learn to cope with hard situations. You have been chosen to live through a certain scenario not because you are weak or strong or because God is picking on you. You are chosen to live the life you are meant to live, so embrace it make the best of it and don’t drown in pitty. I have chosen to not speak to others about this or share this until now because honestly, I don’t like to dwell on it. I know others that are going through worst and have made it through.
Be Wise, Be Kind & Loving